People…People Who Need People

Heather wrote yesterday about the many comments and emails she and Mike have received from people in the last two weeks.  About how a lot of them started with “You don’t know me” or “We’ve never met” or “Until this week, I’d never read your blog or heard of Maddie, but I’m heartbroken over your loss”.

I’ve been getting a lot of emails like that as well.

Emails from people who don’t want to reach out directly to Mike and Heather right now.  Emails from people who’ve shared in Maddie’s life and have grieved right along with them over her loss.  Emails from people whose lives are irrevocably changed by the amazing life of one little girl.

Emails like this one.

It was in my inbox this morning when I checked it at 5:30.  I immediately emailed the sender, K,  back and asked if I could share it with Heather, Mike and all of you.  She said yes.  That she’s “touched and humbled” and that she hopes it “helps keep Maddie in everyone’s thoughts.”

I’m a reader; an avid blog reader. I’m a bit too timid or self conscious to develop my own space I suppose? Worried I’d never have the right content or commitment to keep it up. So…I read instead. Through that reading, I’ve quietly (except when I comment) gotten to know so many… strangers. People that for the most part have no clue that I’m reading and getting to know them, but these people are an important part of my day, my thoughts, my values and ultimately – my life. I’ve always wanted to be a greater part of the blogging community and never did I feel more strongly about that as I have in the past couple of weeks.


I’m just another faceless person, miles away… a person who without blogs and twitter would never have heard of Maddie. I’d never have seen her sweet face in pictures or heard her giggle in movie clips. I wouldn’t have heard of her tragic death and I certainly would not have cried and sobbed for her parents with real palpable grief. I wouldn’t have a purple avatar on Twitter, wouldn’t have worn or dressed my own child in purple, or thought of sweet Madeline every.single.time. I saw the color purple since the day she died. I also wouldn’t have donated to the March of Dimes. More than all of this though, it’s important to note that no matter how much I have been affected by Maddie, it’s not just because her family shared her beautiful life online; it’s all because of the radiant light she exuded. It’s Maddie’s incredible power to change the world that had me gripped; that still has me gripped and leaves me wanting to do more. Madeline Alice Spohr was an angel among us and I am forever grateful to have known know her.


I have a pretty horrible panic disorder. Couple that with agoraphobia and depression and you have someone that struggles a lot with just about anything. I am much better than I was 10 years ago, but I still have some pretty crippling phobias. One of which is exercise. I won’t bore you with the details, but essentially because of my panic attacks, I can’t tolerate my heart rate accelerating much past normal so, I avoid exercise at all costs. So you see, “walking for Maddie” has a whole new meaning for me. I don’t know that I’m ready to organize or join a MOD walk just yet, but I WILL. For now, a simple walk along the beach or in the park is immensely challenging for me. But I’m trying it now; every day. And I’m doing it FOR MADDIE. Because she can’t. She won’t ever be able to and it’s not fair to her to waste my ability to. Maddie has given me and so many others a new perspective and I for one will allow her to change my world for the better. It’s the least I can do.


One more thing… yesterday, I dedicated a tree in Maddie’s name. It was a very small gesture. Majesta is a paper products company that makes thinks like Kleenex/facial tissues (how very appropriate). As part of their environmental responsibility initiative, they’re planting 37,500 trees with Tree Canada in April. Go to Majesta.com for details if you like. Anyway, they are offering people the opportunity to dedicate a tree to people they care about and I instantly thought of Maddie. I happened to be the 859^th person to dedicate a tree. I’m a bit of a numerology geek – and 8+5+9 = 22 or 11/11. This gave me chills….



Please let Heather and Mike know I am honored to share their burden of grief. They’re incredible people and if my tears are tears they don’t have to shed, then I will gladly keep crying with them.

Thank you, K.  Thank you, everyone.

Related posts:

1. What You Can Do
2. Seasons Of Love
3. Marching for Maddie
4. Overwhelmed
5. Two Years Later