A while ago, I wrote a list about some of my rules.
Ever since then, I’ve realized that I really have A LOT more rules than I shared in that post. Those just kind of scratched the surface.
I know, right? You’re thinking how much fun I must be to hang out with.
Anyway, I thought I’d follow up with some of the other ones I’ve realized I have. Some of which will require their own follow up post (*), so I can describe them in more detail. MAYBE even with diagrams.
- Sour Cream should always be Daisy Brand.
- Coffee should always have caffeine. If you need something warm that’s decaf, drink herbal tea, you pussy.
- If you are driving on the highway, you should AT LEAST drive the speed limit.*
- If you are ONLY driving the speed limit on the highway, you should be in the slow lane.*
- If you are turning left, and you know you’re going to have to get over to the right immediately, PLAN AHEAD and don’t get in the inside turn lane. Asshole.*
- Taco Bell is way better than McDonalds.
- Really, any fast food joint is better than McDonalds.
- Children should be disciplined. It’s good for them.
- Children should be loved on. It’s good for them.
- Water tastes better than soda.
- A little boy who isn’t covered head to toe in dirt is clean enough.
- There’s nothing wrong with grass stains on a pair of 5T jeans.
- No one should breathe on me. EVER. EVER. EVER. EEEEVVVVVEEEEERRRR. (It deserves repeating)
- I would do anything for my friends. And I know they’d do the same for me. Well, Ali Martell wouldn’t hold my hair while I puke, and Britt wouldn’t go out on a boat to save me, and Jen wouldn’t sit on the couch and watch Pretty in Pink or the Princess Bride with me if my life depended on it, but, you know, MOST stuff they’d do for me.
- My friends are pretty awesome.
No related posts.
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
#5 is a rule you have to get into that inside lane first, my city is full of this crap!
@kyooty,
Oh, that I agree with too. But if there are two turning lanes, and you’re in the one that puts you on the opposite side you will need to be on after the turn, you’ve failed my driving test!
@AMomTwoBoys, And yet they wont give you a licence your way? I know I failed because of it. Now if they built better roads? maybe that needs to be the rules?? Make better roads.
I would so watch those movies with you. Just sayin yo.
@Jen,
Can we schedule that?
You are so AWESOME!!!
@AmazingGreis,
No, YOU are!
Breakstone makes very good sour cream.
I’m ok with the rest of them.
Jen wouldn’t watch Princess Bride with you? INCONCEIVABLE!!!
@David,
Jen is kind of a loser.
I’m sure Breakstone is very good sour cream. Just not as good as Daisy.
I am WAY better than Jen, Britt, and Ali! I would freaking hold your hair back while you puked off the side of a boat, and then I’d rub your head while we watched Princess Bride. MAWIGGE is what BWINGS us HERE TODAY.
@heather…,
YOU would be puking over the side of the boat, so I’d have to hold YOUR hair.
You know it’s true.
yeah, but I would GO ON THE BOAT. That’s friendship, man.
You had me at Taco Bell.
@Allison,
Think outside the bun!
I’m with Heather! Puke, movies that remind me of the days that I was fast, loose and skinny, and boats- I’m there for you girl. And then we can eat Taco Bell and UNSWEETENED iced tea together! Good rules.
@tena,
Oh, Tena. We really must find time to drink unsweetened iced tea together soon. SOON, dammit.
Ok…. I don’t know you, but I do know. I would watch all those movies even if your life didn’t depend on it, but I would request vodka. I would NOT hold your hair while you puked, however I would find a studly guy to do it while I continued drinking. Boats are cool I would go, I really dont mind when I am drinking anyway. Yeah, your friends are pretty darn cool. Admittingly I didn’t know any of you guys until 13 days ago.. Now I know …
@Sandi Kirk,
Sandi! You’re so sweet. I totally get why Anissa loves you so much!
I’m always happy to provide alcohol. I’m cool with the studly guy. That works for me.
If you ever find yourself in Santa Barbara, we’ll go out on my FIL’s boat and we’ll be sure to have some cocktails!
OK here’s the thing….if it was a life or death situation, and I didn’t see any sharks or monsters….I would take a boat to save you.
I would vomit the whole time, but I’d be boating, none the less.
I love you. THAT MUCH.
@BarefootFoodie, LOL, and how long would it take you to access the situation before making the GO ruling? just saying that kind of study and research program to fit your qualifications could take years if govt funded. I have indeed heard of many boat eating monsters out there soo hrm be safe in your rescue attempts. Cute guys are great at holding back hair while puking, each boat should have those under the seats like life preservers.
Britt, there are always monsters in the ocean.
I LOVE YOU.
even if you don’t like Mcdonalds.
you have GOOD rules. and I’m so glad to call you my friend, friend.
I thought everybody had rules like this! I’d just add that if you are going to talk to me before 10am, you better have a really good reason. (I’m not so much of a morning person…)
Oh great, now I’m craving Taco Bell.
And you know I’d hold your hair back for you. Ali is off the hook for that one.
I have a theory that if you are on the highway and only plan on driving the speed limit, you should be forced to take side streets. But I’m an ass like that.
You forgot the rule that semis should always stay in the right lane, and never ever venture into the left lane, except in the case that I want to get into the right lane to exit the highway, in which case they should move their big rearends over.
I love this list – you make me laugh… but, I must disagree about Taco Smell – I’m so not Lovin’ It. I’m all about the McDick. Sorry. I hope we can still be friends. I’d watch those movies with you ‘coz they’re both some of my ALL TIME faves. Just so you know.