I’ve never had a “birth plan” before and I really don’t plan on having one this time around.
I suppose that’s KIND OF untrue, because my plan was to get the damn kid out.
Wait, I’m kind of lying again because I forgot a very important part.
I also wanted pain meds.
Because, for me, getting the kid out is all well and good, but if it hurts like a motherfucker in the process, Mama’s not gonna be too happy.
Thankfully, some Doctor (chemist?) long ago realized that many women would feel the same way and they invented a little something called an epidural.
I am a big fan of this person and am considering lobbying my Senators to create a National Holiday around them.
The argument that I don’t need meds because “women have been giving birth for thousands of years without pain medication!” is a load of crap in my book.
I mean, we didn’t have access to microwaves or indoor plumbing for thousands of years either. So should I just not take advantage of those as well?
I’m sure as hell not building an outhouse in my backyard anytime soon. And my husband loves frozen burritos too much to give up the microwave.
Do you see my point?
So, with all the Aiming Low babies expected this year (Tena and Jen are also knocked up if you didn’t know) the AL team has kicked around the idea of pooling our monies and purchasing a compound where we can live as sister-wives. We’re thinking of either West Texas or Utah. Because that’s apparently the best place for this sort of thing.
But that’s beside the point, because we’ve also talked about having a birthing center built right there on the property. A birthing center which will include it’s very own birthing tub. Complete with candles and song books for rhythmic chanting.
I’m unsure of all of this, though, because I think it would mean I’d have to give up my beloved epidural.
First, I’m not even sure you can have an epidural in a birthing tub. And while Brittany was kind enough to offer to learn how to administer them, from what I hear she passes out at the sight of her own blood, so trusting her to stick a needle into my spine would take giant leap of faith on my part.
And if I *did* decide to go ahead with it, I can just picture myself sitting in a tub of tepid water that’s full of afterbirth (GAG), unable to move the lower half of my body while the girls move on and begin to celebrate. They’ll give up the rhythmic chanting for renditions of songs from Glee and put down their candles so they can hold their frozen strawberry margaritas.
Also, Jen refuses to even CONSIDER a birthing tub because she had a c-section last time and is actually looking forward to having another one. And while Brittany might be able to administer an epidural, I don’t think Heather’s Internet Doctor Degree ACTUALLY qualifies her to perform c-sections.
So maybe we should rethink this sister-wife compound thing.
Sigh. Giving birth is hard. There are so many decisions to make.
Have you given birth? Did you have a detailed birth plan? Do you want to join us on our compound?
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Baby 1: I had no effing clue what to expect. I labored a long time, and was tired and decided to get an epidural. They administer it, leave the room, and all of a sudden my BP and the babies BP crashes. Nurses and doctors rush around, start yelling ‘prep an OR’, screw a monitor into my babies head through my hoohoo, and stab me in the leg with some ephedrine….which thankfully works. My BP and the babies came back up, but the eipdirual went off. I got about 30 minutes of relief from what was in me, and I delivered well after that, with nothing dulling the pain. It sucks, but it’s doable.
Baby 2: I was well aware of side effects of epi. Doc said they’d try a different drug. They did, same thing happened (no freaking out this time b/c they were ready) and I had to have 3 shots of ephiderine to get my BP back up. The anesthesiologist told me she never had to give 3 doses before. So I delivered a 9 lb moose with nothing dulling the pain. I literally thought I was going to die. Seriously. I was praying in my head the ENTIRE time. Baby had shoulder dysplasia, but luckily no complications.
Baby 3: Because of the shoulder dysplasia, and the moose-i-ness of Baby #2, my doc recommended a C-section. I was scared shitless. But O.M.G. It was like a fucking vacation after the first two. I had a similar reaction to the spinal that I did to the epi, but I never knew that I did because the doctors were so on top of things. From administering the spinal til I was resting in the recovery room was only like 40 minutes. My hoohoo hadn’t exploded open, I didn’t have to push, and I had a warm bear hug blanket and plenty of dulling drugs. It was heaven. Also, all those women who say the recovery of a C is SOOOOO much worse than a vaginal….they’re lying. At least for me, it wasn’t any worse. In fact, it was better. So your abdomen is sore, and hurts when you sneeze. But pooping doesn’t make you want to die, and when you deliver vaginally, your hoohoo is sore and hurts when you sneeze. So the pain is about the same, but I think the C-section inscision is more conveniently located. You can still sit down, and not have to sit on a bag of frozen vegtables!
I love you! I am so looking forward to my second c-section. I thought the first one was a breeze AND my hoo-ha stayed intact. I’m glad someone who has gone the other route at least once agrees with me.
Totally agree! With my first I was induced and produced a kiddo 3 days later! The recovery sucked! With my second I was offered a c-section since she was breach and jumped at the chance. The recovery for me was much easier after the c-section. I know it was painful but the fact that I could sit down and poop without sobbing made it worth it!!
Can’t have epidurals (life threatening allergy to the drugs). . Had four children in six years, and never had time for so much as a whiff of gas and air. The little beasts were all between 9 and 11 pounds, and the longest labour was 2 hours.. the shortest 35 minutes. Not actually as nice as it sounds. Apparently breeding is what my hips and I were made for.
Baby #1 – Was all gung ho for the meds. Apparently there’s a certain time they will finally give you an epidural, which doesn’t happen till after they actually admit you. So after my 4 hours in Triage convincing the nurses I lived to damn far away to be sent home (an hour each way!) they finally gave me Staydall (sp?) and admitted me an hour later. The Staydall wore off just in time to feel all the fun from getting the epidural, apparently they gave me too much. Got too numb and it made me throw up…projectile vomit really… not good when you can’t move. After all that fun and having the epidural shut off and got cleaned up I delivered pretty much in my sleep cause it was 12:17 in the freaking morning when she decided to come out.
Baby #2 – He won’t be here till the end of next month but even after all that fun with the epidural and such I’m still going for the meds this time. I’m just making sure I have a barf bag.
I’m all for the sister-wife compound because, DUH. But for the birthing center, I’m a No Way, Jose vote. Can we build it near a fancy pants hospital that delivers babies with all the drugs and happy stuff?
sweet jesus… Im knocked up right now with #2.. due in November. Reading your comments is bring on flash backs! Why am I doing htis again?!?!?!?
The first one sucked getting out! I had to be induced cause I was 10 days over and not dialated AT ALL.
After 12 hrs of horrible contractions 2 min apart, I finally begged for an Epidural (best invention EVER) I dilated to 6 in about 5 minutes. Popped the kid out shortly after.
but hey! I’ll join your sister-wife compound! Only if I can have my epidural though… heck this time I’m asking for one immediately!
Had a great experience without an epidural. I did however get this lovely shot down in the vajayjay because my 9 pounder had a 14 cm head and I had to have an episiotomy (sp?). That shot really made everything much better. I had a jackass of an anesthesiologist and I’d rather go without than be treated the way he treated me. Walked in the room and said, “I need everyone OUT so I can do my job!” Uh, *I* am the one giving birth- YOU can get out. Don’t mess with a momma in pain! It really wasn’t that bad! And no sleepy baby from the drugs, so she started nursing right away!
I am all for the whole wife-sister compound. No men to take care of – sounds like bliss!!
I had went to the hospital in the middle of the night after my plug came out and I was in the worst pain ever. After laying there for 2 hours, I had a nurse tell me to go home and “walk it off”. I was back 3 hours later (after laying in my bed and doing breathing techniques while my husband slept) with the same nurse telling me she couldn’t feel my cervix. With this being my first child I asked, “What’s that mean?” She informed me I was dialated to a 10 and was having the baby at any moment. Needless to say, I still got my epidural or I was breaking her skinny scrubs wearing body in half. Best 20 minutes of my life and I didn’t feel a thing when he was born.
Drugs were the only thing I was sure about with my first and only (so far) kid. I wanted them as soon as possible, the parking lot if that could be arranged. I enjoyed my labor and if I was in holymotheringfuckinghellgetitoutnow pain the whole time I doubt that I’d think back on it so fondly. I wanted to make out with my drug-man I was so happy to see him. Good luck!
I know there are a lot of people who go the no-drug route in order to be more natural but to me being comfortable and calm was way more important. The first c-section wasn’t planned but this one is and I couldn’t be happier.
Jen, my first one wasn’t planned either, and I went back and forth about having one for my second. I decided to go with the C-section and was STOKED about it! Totally thought I wasn’t going to have to labor, just walk in on my scheduled day and have someone get the damn boy out. Wrong! Had to labor for several hours before they finally did the thing! BUT I still do not regret that decision, and for some reason-maybe because I knew what to expect-my recovery with my second C-section went 1000% better. Some people thought I was crazy, but it was best for me and my baby.
Good luck!
I had a birth plan. I went into labour on schedule, naturally. I was planning to avoid drugs as much as possible with an epidural being the last possible resort.
30 some odd hours of back labour later (woo hoo!) I’d run the gamut of gas and analgesics and I was at 9.5 cm. “Any time now!” the doctor said. He wasn’t pushing an epidural.
An hour later I was still 9.5 cm. Yes. HALF A CENTIMETER. I was so disappointed. And tired. And dehydrated. And upset.
So I had an epidural (which I got in 20 minutes because the anaesthesiologist was coming in for a c-section on someone else that my doctor was assisting on) and that was the best nap I ever took. And it was a damn good thing too, because I ended up having to push for 2 hours.
And I have floated the wife-sister compound int he past. Sounds like a fantabulous idea.
I plan on getting my epidural as soon as I see a positive pregnancy test result.
WHAT. I admit my limitations.
I’m completely in for the compound idea… Having the Aiming Low ladies as sister-wives a la “Big Love” would kick some serious ass. Minus the bad hair. Because honestly? I don’t think I can handle man-logic all by myself.
We have four.
First I planned to have an epidural only if I needed it…after 16 hours I asked for it..make that begged. It was bad, we had a complication. I won’t go into it here – if you want details e-mail me:)
Second I decided because of the first I wasn’t having an epidural, because of the first – but that I reserved the right to change my mind. I changed my mind – but too late. 10lbs – no drugs…bad words to hubby, and bad audio over her entrance!
Third – I planned an epidural, but only when I REALLY needed it. I got it, but didn’t know I needed to ask an hour and a half before I REALLY needed it…but a beautiful smiley birth it was.
Number four was beautiful. I got the epidural early, I liked it…and didn’t even need to push him out, he came on his own time and we had fun in the delivery room.
They were all worth it – sometimes you plan and it doesn’t work the way you want it – but healthy mom and healthy baby right…the epidural, even after the first disaster…I say go for it!
Epidurals scare me more than an un-medicated birth, which I’ve done 3 times, once in a horse watering trough (birthing tub) at home. HOWEVER-if I was less of a chicken I would’ve gone for the drugs. They really scared me out of it in our birthing class. I think it was our HMO’s twisted way of cutting costs. Are there in/out privileges at the compound? There’s about a week and half a month I wouldn’t mind hanging out. Do I HAVE to bring the kids???
I am 9 weeks and counting from delivering baby #2, and I learned a lot from #1.
First lesson, start demanding epidural as soon as I walk in the door. I’ve got my reasons all ready, they include, but are not limited to…1)I had back labor the first time around, and you can fuck off if you tell me to “relax and breathe my way thru the contractions”, 2) back labor makes me tense, contractions do more when you are NOT TENSE, 3) I want to enjoy this experience, so give me my nurse named Peggy and my epidural and I promise not to kill you.
Second lesson, if they don’t do as you say, start screaming for the doctor. I don’t care if it is 2am, he will answer his phone. And he will tell you to get me the drugs.
For me, being drugged up=having a good experience. I don’t need to be all high on life, I need to be high on opium.
Holy shit, sign me up!
I had a birthing plan w/ my 11 month old. We stayed with it until about hour 8 of contractions with no dilation. I came in at a 3 and after 8 hours, I was a 4. They put me on Pitocin, then an hour after that I got the epidural. Finally, 16 hours after I started, I had a kid. I also pushed w/out contractions b/c I was ready to get that kid out of me. He had a pretty big head, 13 cm. Needless to say, I wasn’t alright down there. Next time (if there is a next time), I don’t know what I want to do. Maybe just have it as quick as possible. That sounds good.
As for the compound, is there going to be a Starbucks? That’s kind of a necessity (even w/ knocked up).
Oh don’t get me started on ‘women have been giving birth for centuries without drugs’ crap. If men gave birth there would have been a simple easy to take pain relief pill by now.
No real birth plans with either of my deliveries. Kind of glad too as you just never know what’s going to happen!
I’m pro-compound. Also pro-epidural. Not ao sure on water/home/all natural birth. I am a wussy. I have three kids. First was a month early. No planning there. Had an epidural. Second one was a week early. Had no real plan except have an epidural. Didn’t get one. Because I went into labor and had her in less than three hours. I am just glad I made it to the hospital that time. Third I had to be induced. Silly boy thought he wanted to stay in there. Had an epidural that time too.
1st baby, induced at 7 days overdue due to rising blood pressure. Was in active labour on the ward (no room in delivery!) for 6 hours with no drugs, then did the next 9 hours on Gas and hot showers. Shortly thereafter I proclaimed myself suicidal if someone didn’t get me the damn epidural right.now.before.i.murder.everyone.in.this.room. 15 Glorius minutes later – the pain all stopped ( I have no idea how they got the anesthetic person there so quick, perhaps they wanted to live?) and I dozed for about ten minutes before realising I could feel every contraction in my right butt cheek. Not nice. 3 hours later they declared me ready to push. I pushed for an hour, she got stuck, they used ventouse extraction, tearing me three ways to sunday, and her head much the same (seriously, she has scars).
Baby #2 was emergency C-section due to fetal distress. I wasn’t even close to due, and was terrified but had known all along due to complications she would be a C-section delivery, I just didn’t expect her so soon! The surgery was reasonably uneventful – took them three goes to get the epi in, which was painful but once it was in it worked reasonably fast. Was on the table for about half an hour, and back in recovery and then on the ward by two hours after she was born.
When I compare the recovery between natural and C-section, C-section was a walk in the park. Seriously. I was still walking like a cowgirl three months after I had DD1. Even now I still feel some pain sometimes from the delivery, and was terrified to have to go through that again. The C-section, I went home drug free at five days. I was up and on my feet the day after the surgery, although woozy, and down to oral drugs only by day three. I was cleared to drive, and swim medically just three weeks later (AND the bleeding had well and truly stopped).
Now pregnant with baby #3, due Christmas Eve (but will be delivered end of November) and I can’t wait to have another C-section.
Natural birth is a design flaw. I’m all for the zipper!
“I dozed for about ten minutes before realising I could feel every contraction in my right butt cheek.” OMG! That line just cracks me up! Sorry.
And seriously, you win.
Here it comes – birthing plan horror story. Well, not really. But if we lived in the days before c-sections, microwaves and frozen burritos, me and my boy would be dead.
I had a normal pregnancy. I honored every one of my daily cravings for whoppers and hostess cup cakes and gained a “whopping” 65lbs. (I’m 5’3″ and non-birth weight was 115 – emphasis on WAS). I was sooo purty a co-worker told me I looked like a blowfish. (Only gay guy friends can get away with that.)
After being 2 week overdue, I was induced. Had contractions for 2 days and never dilated beyond 1. (Worst part – no whoppers and cupcakes)
Scheduled c-section 3 days later after an ultrasound told the Dr. that it could be a BIG baby – maybe up to 9lbs. Delivered an 11lb 1 oz moose, er…baby.
His head was pointed from being stuck in the “canal” and not being able to move further. Dr. said I could have been induced until Christmas (it was May) and he still wouldn’t have come out.
CHEERS!
On the bright side, I had an “early” c-section for my sweet little girl the next time. She was a petite lil’ 9 lb 13oz thing. (I blame my 6’3″, 220lb. husband, NOT my eating habits.)
Yep, me too! As I was being wheeled in to have my first, the nurse told me that if this was wagon train days, we both would have died on the side of the trail…Uh…thanks???
My plan was the same as yours-get that kid out. But I was gonna “go natural” until I had back labor that felt like tap dancing elephants on my lower spine. My friend was in the bed with her knee in my back and I was saying “push harder!!!!!” She said “One of us is getting an epidural NOW !” and I made the giant sacrifice…best deal EVER!!!!
I knew going in to Round 1 that I wasn’t about to let 21st century medicine go to waste. I played their game and “pushed” for a while, just not extremely hard – the image of my lady-business being “torn” was enough to produce a hoover effect just as the head came into view. After quite a while, I overheard a hushed mention of a c-section and loudly announced my support of the procedure. Recovery was surprisingly quick and I was vacuuming by the next week.
Round 2 involves the scheduled extraction of my next two minions in October; no one even asked me to consider the exhausting alternative this time. Except for my mother, who suggested I might try to push them out since they’ll probably be small. I laughed heartily. While I’ve never felt guilty about my decision (my perfect 3-year-old has the most deliciously round head ever), it’s nice to have a place that might embrace my why-would-I-push-out-my-own-babies attitude.